The Jade Monkey

I didn't have a superiority complex until inferior people gave me one.

Location: San Antonio, Texas, United States


I sense more media bias ;-)

This one's a real article, I swear! From page 26A in yesterday's San Antonio Express-News:

Boozing elephants rampage in India
(by Wasbir Hussain, Associated Press)

GAUHATI, India -- Wild elephant herds have been terrorizing this nation's northeast, killing people, flattening houses, and even guzzling local rice beer supplies.

Yeah, right. We all know it's the Democrats that resort to violence. I demand equal time next week, a story about drunken donkeys kicking Brazilians in the head and leading to nationwide shortages of white wine spritzers.

Villagers have retaliated against the pachyderms with firecrackers and bonfires.

Wait, firecrackers? Might as well counterattack a howitzer with a squirt gun, as was famously said about John Edwards' drubbing at the hands of Dick Cheney. Maybe you should try mice.


Since it's probably verboten to copy an entire article; I'll skip to the end. Also, I hear snipping can make animals less aggressive. Maybe you should try that, too. Although I don't know if that tends to make them more or less alcoholic. And I don't know how one would go about selling an elephant on the benefits of neutering. Where's Bob Barker when you really need him?

A government ban on capturing elephants and restrictions on sending them to other states has aggravated Assam's problem.

How do you catch a pink elephant? Hah, I kid, but in all seriousness, now we see their plan for electoral victory - forced relocation of elephants to states where their numbers don't give them an advantage!

(ETA: Goal of 3 posts reached, and I've still got at least one more in me! And the people rejoiced!)


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