The Jade Monkey

I didn't have a superiority complex until inferior people gave me one.

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Location: San Antonio, Texas, United States

1.18.2005

Top 10 Reasons Howard Dean Should be DNC Chairman

Hugh's challenged us to put forth the best case for Dean, so...from the home offices in San Antonio, Texas, heeeere we go!

Top 10 Reasons Howard Dean Should Be DNC Chairman

10. Desperate need for party to look patriotic by replenishing stocks of burned flags by expanding base to inlude guys with Confederate flags on their pickup trucks.

9. If McAuliffe declared 2004 a success based on fundraising levels, noone with better bonafides than Dean and his moonbat supporters.

8. It's about time someone re-re-made "Psycho," and look how well propaganda films worked for the Dems this year!

7. Proving he's a versatile actor, also reprises Macauley Caulkin's role in "Home Alone."

6. After moving scenes in the shower and at the sink, watching him preside over the Democrats' going down the toilet a natural progression.

5. Poster child for need for President's prescription drug plan.

4. Easily rebuffs skepticism of party platform with "Trust me, I'm a doctor."

3. As former wrestler, make further inroads amongst the youth and the South by staging cage match with Vince McMahon for title of "Craziest Son'bitch Alive" (also, added benefit of new party slogan: "Our vote totals slightly less fake than pro wrestling!").

2. Just the man to rein in loony moderates like Joe Lieberman.

and the number 1 reason Howard Dean should be DNC Chairman:

1. Many more years of Republican rule!

Bonus "movie" reason: Stars in "Hulk" sequel with slogans of "He's mean, he's green, he's Dean!" and "Hulk going to smash New Hampshire and Florida! Hulk going to smash Ohio and Pennsylvania and Texas! And then Hulk going to Washington D.C. to smash White House! Raaarrrghh!!"

alt. for #2: Just the man to rein in crazy right wingers like Tedward Kennedy and/or the New York Times (can't decide which I like better, because although I haven't heard the same about Tedward, he's just too fun not to make fun of, and the moonbats really do think think the entire media, including the Times, is right-wing).

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